Kyman
by thetrueninjagofan12
Summary: This is going to be a different approach at a fanfiction. instead of the normal story, I'm writing this like a script, like a fake episode. I tried to keep the continuity at it's best. I might of failed. and in case you couldn't tell, it's a ship story.
1. Scene 1: street

**A/N: I do not own South Park. It is owned by co-creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone. And yes, the game they mention is fractured but whole, which I also don't own. Also, this is a ship story, so if you don't like KyleXCartman (Kyman) or CraigXTweek (Creek), you can just NOT read the story, like, I don't know. By the way, this takes place after Splatty Tomato.**

South Park episode #doesn't fucking matter, it's not real

Episode name: Kyman

Scene one- Street

 **Scene opens up with the boys talking about a new gaming system.**

Stan:

The games on it look really fucking cool, dudes! There's this game where you play as a new kid in the town, and are trying to help the town super heroes find a missing cat or something. It's really sweet.

Kyle:

That sounds... oddly familiar.

Stan:

Only problem is that it's super expensive.

Cartman:

Kyle can buy it.

Kyle:

With what money, fat ass?

Cartman:

With your Jew gold, genius.

Stan:

Shut the fuck up, fat ass!

Kenny: *Muffled*

Yeah, shut up Cartman!

Kyle:

Oh leave him be guys, I've just learned to ignore hi-

 **Kyle gets cut off by a loud honk. Not really paying attention to what was happening; he didn't see the car speeding towards him. One of his friends saved his life.**

Faded voice:  
KYLE, LOOK OUT!

 **Kyle was pushed out of the way. He felt his arm snap as he hit the ground.**

Kyle:

OW! What the fuck..?

OH MY GOD!

 **He struggled to get to his feet due to the fact that the impact dazed him. He looked over to see Kenny taking Cartman's pulse, who was unconscious in a pool of his own blood. Stan was watching.**

Stan:

Kyle, are you alright? You look like you're about to pass out.

Kyle:

*Still dazed*

I'm okay... just in shock I guess... well, my arm is 100% likely to be broken, but I'm okay.

Did Cartman... save me?

Stan:

I guess so...

Kenny:

*Muffled*

HE'S ALIVE!

Kyle:

*Starts hyperventilating*

Oh god- OH GOD!

Stan:

Kyle?

Kyle:

I... I think- panic attack-

STAN I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!

Stan:

Kyle, it's okay, just breathe, okay? Just breathe.

Tom's Rhinoplasty's not far from here, hold on, I'll go get my mom so we can take you two to the hospital, FAST!

-End scene-


	2. Scene 2: Hospital

**Still don't own shit.**

Scene 2- hospital

 **Scene opens up with Kyle sitting in a hospital bed situated in the same room as Cartman. Eric is still unconscious and Stan and Kenny are there with them. Kyle is crying.**

Stan:

Kyle, it's okay. Just calm down-

Kyle:

SHUT THE FUCK UP STAN! HOW DO YOU KNOW IF IT'S OKAY OR NOT, HUH? CARTMAN COULD BE DYING AND YOU'RE TELLING ME "IT'S OKAY"? SO **DON'T** FUCKING TELL **ME** TO CALM DOWN, **EVER.**

 **Stan doesn't say another word, he's just staring at his best friend in shock**

Kyle:

*sigh*

I'm sorry Stan. I'm just so pissed off at myself, and I guess I just took it out on you. You didn't deserve that at all.

Stan:

It's okay, I know you care about him, I do too, but you can't let your feelings get in the way, okay? You can hurt somebody like that.

 **Enter nurse**

Nurse:

Alrigty boys, time to let these two be for now. I know people with broken bones usually go home after mending, but we want to monitor this one, it's pretty bad.

Stan:

Sure thing, nurse. Bye Kyle, bye Cartman.

Kenny: *Muffled*

Bye guys.

 **Kenny walks out of the room when an electric wheelchair goes awry and runs him over, killing him.**

Stan:

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY!

Kyle: *Distracted*

You bastards...

 **Stan has left, leaving Kyle and Cartman alone**

Kyle:

I am so sorry, Eric. If I just PAYED ATTENTION, you wouldn't of had to push me out of the way, and we wouldn't be here.

 **Kyle starts crying**

Kyle:

I've treated you like nothing but SHIT for so long. Sure, you have too, but you risked your

LIFE for me, Eric. I don't know if you can hear me, but, I am forever grateful for you saving

Me. *sigh* I've been in denial for a very long time but... I love you Cartman. And now

you could die because of me and it hurts, a lot. I feel really guilty, and I'm sorry, y'know?

Cartman: *weakly*

Dude, what?

Kyle:

Huh?!

Cartman, YOU'RE AWAKE!

Cartman:

Uh, yeah... I am.

Kyle:

I'm REALLY sorry about what happened...

Cartman:

Don't be. It's cool.

Sheila:

KYLE!

 **Sheila starts hugging the shit out of Kyle**

Sheila:

My poor baby, are you alright?

Kyle:

OW! I won't be if you do worse damage.

Sheila:

Sorry babushka.

 **Cartman starts humming Kyle's mom's a bitch**

Kyle:

Stop it Cartman, she didn't mean to hurt me.

 **Humming stops**

Sheila:

What happened, bubby? How did you get so hurt?

Kyle: *staring at Cartman*

I was an idiot. I wasn't paying attention and was almost hit by a car. Cartman pushed me out of the way and was hit instead. I broke my arm when I hit the ground.

Sheila:

What what **WHAT!?**

Kyle:

Don't get mad at Cartman mom, he saved my life!

Sheila:

Alright Kyle, if you say so. I have to go, see you soon sweetheart.

 **Sheila kisses her son on the head and leaves**

Kyle:

I think we both should get some rest. Especially you, I wasn't the one hit by a car...

 **Kyle walks to his bed and goes to sleep**

-End scene-


	3. Scene 3: the next day

**A/N I think you know the rules by now**

Scene 3- the next morning

 **Scene opens up with Kyle and Cartman leaving the hospital with Kyle's parents. Kyle has his arm in a sling and Cartman is in a wheelchair.**

Gerald:

Alright Eric, your mother is out of town, so we will be looking after you while she's gone.

Cartman:

Thank you, Mr. And Mrs. Broflovski, this means a lot to me.

Sheila:

It's the least we can do. You risked your life to save our Kyle's. We can't thank you enough!

Kyle:

I really do owe you one, Cartman.

Cartman:

Actually, you owe me 5, but who's keeping track?

Kyle: *Sarcastically*

Good to see your personality hasn't changed at all.

Cartman:

Pleasure to oblige my friend.

Kyle:

I'm surprised you know what that means.

Cartman: *Rolls eyes*

Yeah, yeah.

 **With a huge smirk on his face, Kyle rolls his eyes and helps him into the car.**

Sheila:

Am I paranoid Gerald, or were they flirting?

Gerald:

You are definitely NOT paranoid, Sheila.

Sheila: *giggling*

I thought there was something between those two.

Gerald:

I thought he was going to get together with Stan to be honest.

Kyle: *blushing*

MOM! DAD!

 **Cartman is also blushing with embarrassment.**

 **Kyle gets in the car, frowning.**

Kyle: *annoyed*

Can we just go please?

 **Sheila and Gerald were amused by their son's embarrassment.**

Sheila:

Alright, bubby.

-End scene-


	4. Scene 4: Broflovski house

**A/N I love this story so far ^w^ I don't own shit people.**

Scene 4- Broflovski house

 **Scene opens up with the Broflovskis and Cartman arriving at their home, which was reinforced to support wheelchair transport.**

Cartman:

Ugh.

Gerald:

Remember, Eric. While your mom is away, our home is your home.

Sheila:

You'll stay upstairs in Kyle's room.

 **Gerald pushes Cartman's wheelchair up the ramp they installed. They enter the house to reveal the stair elevator thing (stair lift? Chair lift? I don't know) on the staircase.**

Cartman:

GOD FUCKING **DAMN IT!**

Kyle:

Cartman, what's wrong?

Cartman:

I'M SICK OF FEELING USELESS! IT'S BEEN ONE DAY, AND I ALREADY FUCKING FEEL WEAK AND FRAIL!

Sheila:

Well...

Gerald:

Until your legs and back heal, you technically are.

Cartman: *throws something*

FUCK!

Kyle:

Aw, come on Cartman. It isn't that bad.

Cartman:

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY ASSHOLE! YOU AREN'T IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR!

Kyle:

Hey! I'm grateful for you saving my life, Cartman. But if you don't back off, I will kick your ass.

Sheila:

WOAH! What has gotten into you two?

Cartman: *looking into Kyle's eyes and seeing his pure rage and sighs*

Your mom is right, Kyle. Perhaps we went too far. I'm sorry. I'm just stressed out because; I've never had to be in this situation before.

Kyle:

Me too, I'm sorry Cartman.

-End scene-


	5. Scene 5: Tucker house

**A/N Don't judge me if these characters don't seem in character. I tried XD**

Scene 5- Tucker house

 **Scene opens up to a view of Craig's house. Kyle is walking to the door. The scene changes to Craig in the living room drawing a picture for Tweek.**

*Knock knock knock*

Craig:

Coming.

Kyle:

Craig, I need your help!

Craig:

Dude, what?

Kyle:*mumbling*

I... I... like... Cartman...

Craig:

What? Dude, c'mon, speak up.

Kyle:

I SAID: I LIKE CARTMAN!

 **Craig is just staring in disbelief.**

Craig:

What? Dude, seriously? Of all people, why Cartman?

Kyle:

I don't know... I guess I felt this way for a while, but it definitely became more obvious when he saved my life yesterday.

Craig:

He saved your life yesterday?

Kyle:

Yeah, how do you think I broke my arm?

Craig:

I'm so confused. Come in, and then we can talk. It's cold outside.

 **One conversation later**

Craig:

Dude, that's actually really sweet. Is he okay?

Kyle:

He's currently unable to walk, but yeah, the doctor said he'll be okay.

Craig:

That's good. So, for the advice you came here for... How do you want to approach Cartman about this?

Kyle: *Blushing*

A-approach?

Craig:

Yeah, how are you gonna tell him?

Kyle:

T-tell him?

Craig:

Ugh. YES. How are you going to tell him you like him?

Kyle:

Uuuuuuhhhh...

Craig:

Tweek is coming over in a few minutes. We can role play a scenario for you.

Kyle:

Yeah, that sounds good.

 **Tweek shows up soon after.**

Tweek:

Role play? A-ahh! This it too much pressure!

Craig:

C'mon Tweek, it's for Kyle. Okay, you be Cartman, I'll be Kyle, alright?

Tweek:

O-oh kay...

Craig:

Now, pay attention Kyle. Hey, Cartman. I've had a crush on you for a little while now. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I needed to get it off my chest. What do you say? Wanna go on a date with me?

Tweek:

U-uh. *ahem* Sure, why not?

Craig:

Sweet. See Kyle, it isn't as difficult as you're making it seem. Just ask him.

Tweek:

If you want, we can come with you. Y'know, for moral support!

Kyle:

Thanks you guys. This means a lot.

Tweek:

Don't thank us yet, dude. Cartman may still turn you down!

 **Kyle freezes in the door way**

Craig:

It'll be fine. You can't lose what you never had, but you can't gain what you didn't try to either.

Kyle: *gulps*

W-wise words, dude.

-End scene-


	6. Scene 6: Brovlovski house

**A/N Still don't own anything X3**

Scene 6- Broflovski's house

 **Scene opens up to Kyle, Craig, and Tweek standing outside of Kyle's bedroom.**

Craig:

Dude, WHAT are you waiting for?

Kyle:

I'm scared...

Tweek:

UGH! C'mon, dude!

 **He opens the door and pushes Kyle in.**

Craig:

Dude, I can't hear anything!

 **The door opens causing Craig and Tweek (who were trying to eaves drop) to fall on the floor.**

Kyle:

Um..?

 **Both jump up off the floor.**

Tweek:

Ack! K-Kyle! We weren't spying. Ahh!

Craig:

*Face palm* Did it work?

Kyle:

Y-yeah. We are gonna go out to dinner on Tuesday. May I ask what you were doing pressed against the door?

Craig:

I was leaning against it. I do that when I'm bored.

Kyle:

And Tweek?

Tweek:

N-NOTHING! AUGH!

Craig:

Does it matter? It worked.

Kyle:

I get you wanted to help, but don't spy on me, please.

Tweek:

Why should it matter, we couldn't hear anything.

Kyle:

Because my room is soundproofed. Look, it doesn't matter, it's the principle of the whole thing that does. Trying to spy isn't cool.

Craig:

Seriously, does it matter? You got your date.

Kyle:

Uh, yeah. I was wondering if you guys could come. As moral support, y'know.

 **Craig and Tweek make eye contact then nod.**

Both: *at same time*

(Tweek) Yeah, sure. (Craig) Why not?

Kyle:

Thanks you guys. Again.

-End scene-


	7. Scene 7: Kyle's bedroom

**A/N I don't own- You know what, I'm sure you people get the point by now XD**

Scene 7- Tuesday- morning- Kyle's room

 **Scene opens up to Stan and Kyle in Kyle's bedroom. Stan is helping him pick out something to wear.**

Kyle:

What about this one.

Stan:

Eh, too fancy.

Kyle:

This one?

Stan:

Are you gonna be able to put that on, remember your arm's broken dude.

Kyle: *Throws shirt on the ground*

FUCK! WHY IS THIS SO HARD!?

Stan:

Whoa! Calm down! It's just a shirt.

Kyle:

I don't mean the shirt, Stan! I mean preparing for this stupid date.

Stan:

Where are you going?

Kyle:

Whistling Willie's.

Stan:

You don't need to be fancy, dude. You're over thinking it. It's a pizza parlour, like Jesus Christ.

Kyle:

It's still a date, Stan. I need to put an effort forward.

Stan:

I still can't believe you are going on a date with CARTMAN. Of all people who would agree to the date, Cartman?

Kyle:

I'm just as surprised as you are. I honestly thought he'd say no.

Stan:

I'm also confused. Since when were you gay?

Kyle:

I guess I always have been.

Stan:

But you have always shown signs of being straight. You and Cartman BOTH have dated girls in the past. Why are you suddenly gonna start dating each other?

Kyle:

I've always had a crush on him, dude. I was just in denial because he's a dick most of the time. Him saving my life just made me think it even more. But agreeing to the date, I was not expecting it.

Stan:

What made you pick up the nerve to ask him?

Kyle:

I went to Craig for help. He and Tweek helped me out, and are even joining us with my request.

Stan:

Want me to come too? I won't sit with you guys, but I'll come along for off-to-the-side support, y'know?

Kyle:

You know what? Sure. I need all the support I can get. Frankly, I'm a nervous wreck.

Stan: *laughing*

Yeah, I bet. Now come on, you have a date in an hour.

Kyle:

Yeah! Let's do it!

-End scene-


	8. Scene 8: Whistling Willie's

**A/N FLUUUUUUUUUUFF! Date night is here ^w^**

Scene 8-Tuesday- night- Whistling Willie's Pizza Parlour

 **Scene begins with a very nervous Kyle** **waiting outside for Cartman to arrive.**

Kyle:

Where is he? He was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago.

 **Cartman's car pulls up soon after saying that**

Cartman:

Sorry I'm late. It's hard to get dressed while I'm in a wheelchair.

Kyle:

It's alright Cartman. I'm just glad you're here. Craig and Tweek are gonna join us too. They'll be here in *Checks watch* 5 minutes.

Cartman:

Cool. Let's get inside; it's really fucking cold out here.

Kyle:

That sounds good.

 **Craig and Tweek show up soon after, to Kyle and Cartman appearing to be really hitting it off.**

Craig:

Hey, guys.

Tweek:

How's it going?

Kyle:

Pretty good.

Cartman:

Yeah, I never thought I would enjoy a date with a guy, not to mention a Jew.

Kyle:

*sighs, clearly annoyed*

 **Craig and Tweek awkwardly sit down.**

Craig:

So, anything in particular that's worth sharing with us?

Kyle:

Well, Cartman was late for starters.

Cartman:

For a good reason, might I add?

Kyle:

But it went pretty well after that.

Cartman:

We've been just telling each other jokes and funny stories really. We couldn't think of anything to talk about.

Craig:

Sounds like fun.

 **Time lapses and the boys are just joking around having fun. Kyle leans his head on Cartman's shoulder and yawns. The boys all agree that it's time to head home.**

Cartman:

See you later guys.

Kyle:

See ya later, dudes.

 **Craig and Tweek waved at the new couple as they got into Kyle's mom's car.**

Craig:

See ya later, guys.

Tweek:

Get home safe!

 **They hold hands and walk home.**

-End scene-


	9. Scene 9: school

**A/N: As cruel as Bitchy- I mean H** ** _eidi_** **is, I had a lot of fun writing this scene. does that make me a bad person?**

Scene 9- school- recess

 **Scene opens to the boys (Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Craig, and Tweek) talking about their date the night before.**

Butters:

How did it go, fellas?

Kyle:

Actually, fairly well to be honest.

Cartman:

It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, just this time we were a date, not just friends.

Stan:

So you guys are officially a... thing?

Kyle:

I... guess so.

Cartman:

That'll take getting used to.

 **Enter Heidi.**

Heidi:

OH, so we aren't a thing now, so you immediately go gay. I feel respected! It isn't that hard to be depressed when you have a break-up gay wad!

 **Kyle steps in between the two**

Kyle:

HEY! LEAVE HIM ALONE!

Heidi:

Move it, man stealer! No one asked you!

 **Shoves him down**

Butters:

Oh hamburgers!

Stan:

FUCK YOU HEIDI! THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU!

Heidi:

This does not concern you! Now MOVE!

 **Craig punches her**

Craig:

But it DOES concern me! Do NOT fucking discriminate gay people in front of me! I don't care if you're a guy or girl I will hurt you!

Tweek:

I second that!

Butters: *Helping Kyle to his feet*

It doesn't matter if we're NOT gay! Our friends are and we're supportive of their choices.

Stan:

You mess with one of us; you mess with ALL of us!

Kyle:

So just get out of here, bitch. Not everything revolves around you JUST because I am dating your ex boyfriend.

 **Heidi screams and lunges at Cartman, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of his wheelchair. Then she repeatedly starts kicking him.**

Stan: *Pulls her off and throws her to the ground*

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? HE IS HANDICAPPED AND IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR! YOU DO **NOT** ATTACK A HANDICAPPED PERSON UNDER ANY CIRUMSTANCES! HE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!

 **Heidi just stares at Stan in anger. Then gets up, and storms away.**

Kyle:

CARTMAN!

 **He runs to his boyfriend's side and helps him into his chair with Tweek's help. Everyone else runs over to see if he's alright.**

Kyle:

Are you okay?

Cartman:

I'm fine, just winded.

Tweek:

AH! I'm so pissed I can scream!

Craig:

Why did you ever date her, dude?

Cartman:

She used to be the sweetest thing ever. She was there for me when you guys broke all my stuff, and I was there for her when she threw her phone off the bridge. Then she gained weight and suddenly the world revolved around her.

Stan:

What about you, Kyle? You okay?

Kyle:

I landed on my broken arm, so it hurt, but I'll be fine.

 **Cartman takes Kyle's hand**

Cartman:

I am so sorry Kyle. If I'd of known she would react like that-

Kyle: *smiles*

It's alright Cartman. I'm fine, really.

 **It was at that moment when a sharp pain came from his arm. He grabbed it and keeled over in agony**

Kyle:

AUGH! NOT FINE, NOT FINE, NOT FI- OW!

Cartman:

Kyle?

Kyle:

I think I need a hospital, something is seriously wrong! It didn't even hurt this much when I first broke it!

Stan:

MR. MACKEY! HE'S REALLY HURT! HELP!

 **Mr. Mackey enters**

Mr. Mackey:

What's going on here, m'kay?

Cartman:

There is something wrong with him, Mr. Mackey. Please help him.

Mr. Mackey:

You both look hurt, m'kay. Can any of you tell me what happened here?

Stan:

It was Heidi. She yelled Cartman because he's dating Kyle now. Kyle stepped in between the two and she pushed him down which caused him to land on his broken arm. We all stepped in to defend both of them but then she went berserk and attacked Cartman. She pulled him out of his wheelchair and beat the absolute shit out of him. I pulled her off of him and told her off, and then she stormed away.

Mr. Mackey:

M'kay. That sounds like you are all choosing sides, and didn't bother hearing her out.

Tweek:

Hear her out? Hear her OUT!? She flat-out called Cartman a gay wad. And she attacked Kyle for taking Cartman from her. We weren't choosing sides, we were defending the victims. All Heidi cares about is if it involves her, she's the immediate victim. She isn't even dating him anymore!

Craig:

Yeah, last I checked, she dumped him. So why should she care about who he's dating? Besides, there are *looks at Heidi who's out in the field* SOME PEOPLE who take insults about gay people SERIOUSLY

 **Heidi rolls her eyes and gives Craig the finger.**

Craig: *quietly*

What a bitch.

Mr. Mackey:

Well, let's get Kyle inside m'kay. I'll get the principal to call an ambulance.

-End scene-


	10. Scene 10: Hospital

**A/N: Fluff, and this is where the hurt/comfort comes in**

Scene 10- Hospital

 **Scene opens up to the Denver hospital waiting room. Cartman is freaking out and Stan is trying to keep him calm. Craig, Tweek, and Butters are also super impatient, but none of them are to Cartman's extent. He wants to hear if his boyfriend is alright, and no one will tell him anything.**

Cartman:

Why is it taking so long?!

Stan: It's okay, dude. Kyle will be fine.

Cartman: *covers ears*

AUGH! SHUT UP, SHUT **UP!** I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! Unless Kyle comes through that door in the next 30 seconds and tells me HIMSELF that he's okay, I will not listen.

 **As if on cue, Kyle runs out into the lobby and gives Cartman a hug. Cartman hugged him back as if he never wanted to let go and started crying.**

Kyle: *Soothing voice*

Shhh... Eric, it's okay, I'm okay. Shhh...

Cartman: *crying*

I... I was s-so worried about y-you. *sob*. Don't scare me like that again.

Kyle: *still comforting*

I won't, I promise.

Cartman:

You better not, Jew boy. I will never forgive myself if I let something happen to you again.

 **Cartman just resumed sobbing into his boyfriend's shoulder.**

Kyle:

I love you, Cartman. I hope you know that.

Stan:

So, what was wrong?

Kyle:

The fall caused some fracturing on the bone that already started remodeling. It hurt more because of the fact that remodeling bone is much more sensitive, so you don't have to worry. I'm okay.

Craig:

Well that's good. So, how are we gonna get Heidi Turner back for this?

Kyle:

We don't need revenge Craig. That'll just make this a shit ton worse than it already is.

Tweek:

She's making you stay in a cast for another 2 weeks extra, minimum. And we already weren't sure if Eric was gonna walk again; but now she probably made him 30% less likely to recover properly.

Kyle: *Still hugging Cartman*

What do you think, sweetheart?

 **Cartman winces. Not because of the sickeningly sweet nickname, but because he isn't used to it. It's actually the first time he said it to him.**

Cartman:

She hurt you, babe. I. Want. Her. Dead.

Stan:

We are NOT gonna kill Heidi Turner, but what we can do is get revenge. Maybe we should trick her into thinking she's gay too, than she'll leave you two alone about it.

Butters:

H-how are we gonna do that?

Stan:

First, I need to know who she has a crush on.

Cartman:

Token, why?

 **Stan pulls out his phone and texts Token.**

Stan:

There. The plan is in full swing.

Craig:

Dude, WHAT PLAN?

Stan:

Token is going to convince Heidi that he's a girl. This will make Heidi think she's attracted TO GIRLS. Then she'll think she's gay, and leave Kyle and Cartman alone. It's perfect.

Craig:

Only problem is, how the HELL is he going to convince her that he's a girl?

Stan:

I asked the same question, he said to leave it to him. His exact words were; "Heidi attacked Cartman for being gay? That's low dude. I actually like those two together"

Kyle:

Aw, thanks Token.

Stan:

"And if getting revenge just involves me making her think I was a girl the entire time. I'm in."

My response was; 'but how are you going to do that?'

He just simply said; "Leave it to me."

Cartman:

I hope for Token's sake that it works. What if it goes wrong?

Stan:

He's willing to risk it for you guys. Now come on, we gotta get out of here. Mr. Mackey just sent me a message saying our way back to South Park is waiting for us outside.

Kyle:

Why do you have Mackey's number?

Stan: *Imitating Mackey's voice*

So that you can let me know when Kyle Broflovski is discharged from the hospital and I can come get you, M'kay?

 **Everyone starts laughing.**

-End scene-


	11. Scene 11: School

Scene 11- School

 **Scene opens up to Stan walking up to Heidi.**

Stan:

Hey, bitch.

Heidi:

What the fuck do you want?

Stan:

Token told me to tell you that he wants a date. He'll pick the venue, and you'll just arrive. What should I tell him; yes, or no?

Heidi:

Token wants a DATE? Fuck yeah I'll go! But why are you helping me out after yesterday?

Stan:

It isn't for you. It's for Token. After what you did yesterday I was ready to say no, but I didn't want to disappoint my friend who cares about me.

Heidi: *rolls eyes*

And what does THAT mean, exactly?

Stan: *sarcastically*

Take is as whatever you want, "Sweetheart".

Heidi:

You know what, Marsh?

 **Sticks up middle finger**

Heidi:

Right there, buddy. Up yours, you piece of shit. Tell Token I say yes and go fuck yourself.

Stan:

Fuck you too, you two-faced child-of-a-bitch.

 **He walks away and finds his friends.**

Stan:

Hey guys, next time you have a revenge plan that involves Heidi, make someone else do it.

Craig:

Who else are we gonna ask? Timmy?

Timmy:

Ti-Timmy?

Tweek: *to Timmy*

Exactly!

Kyle:

Is the trap set?

Stan:

Yeah, but I feel bad.

Cartman:

Seriously? Why do you feel bad? The bitch deserves it.

Stan:

Not for Heidi! I feel bad for Token! He doesn't deserve this at all.

Token:

But I want to do this. If my friends are getting discriminated it needs to be dealt with.

Kyle:

I still don't know why we didn't go to PC Principal about this.

Stan:

I told you Kyle. We want her to pay WITHOUT getting her hospitalized.

Cartman: *mumbling*

Maybe you do...

Kyle:

You guys do what you want. I'm going to Vice-Principal Woman!

Cartman: *Dreamily*

God I love him.

-End scene-


	12. Scene 12: Vice Principal's office

Scene 12- Vice Principal's office

 **Strong woman is at her desk doing work**

*Knock-knock-knock*

Strong woman:

Come in.

 **Kyle walks in.**

Kyle:

Vice-Principal Woman? My boyfriend and I have been dealing with problems since we both came out at school yesterday.

Strong Woman:

Problems? Like what?

Kyle:

This one girl, Heidi Turner, she beat my boyfriend up because I'm dating him. She snapped because he's her ex boyfriend.

Strong Woman:

Is your boyfriend Eric Cartman?

Kyle:

Yeah, why?

Strong Woman:

He came and talked to me this morning. He told me that you wound up in the hospital because of her.

Kyle:

She pushed me down and I landed on my broken arm. It caused some refracturing where it just started remodeling. I'm fine; I just needed a cast reapplied.

Strong Woman:

He also told me that you boys have a revenge plan. Is anybody going to be hurt?

Kyle:

No. But I'm still here because I don't want it to happen. We would have gone to PC Principal about it, but no one wants her to be hurt.

Strong Woman:

I'm not so sure. Your boyfriend's pretty intent on hurting her.

Kyle:

We all are intent on keeping that from happening. The only thing keeping him from hurting her is me.

Strong Woman:

You told me about your problem, I'll do what I can. I promise you this will all be confidential so you don't have to worry about the entire school finding out about this.

Kyle:

Thank you.

 **Gets up to leave**

Strong Woman:

Kyle?

Kyle:

Yes, Ma'am?

Strong Woman:

Congratulations on coming out so easily. My brother was gay in secret for 10 years before feeling safe enough to come out. You and Eric are truly inspiring people.

Kyle: *Smiles*

Thank you.

-End scene-


	13. Scene 13: Token's house

Scene 13- Token's house

 **Scene opens up to Token talking to his parents about the situation, and that he isn't actually identifying as a girl. They understood and left. Heidi knocked on the door soon after.**

Token:

Hey, Heidi, come in.

Heidi:

Hi Token. So, we are just hanging out at your house?

Token:

Yeah, why, is that a problem?

Heidi:

No, just I wish you would put more effort into our first date. I would have liked to see a movie or some shit, lazy ass.

Token: *Angrily*

So, you just want to leave, then?

Heidi:

Of course not. You know, it's rude to invite somebody over and not offer them anything.

Token: *very angrily*

Fine. I'll go get something from the kitchen.

Heidi:

That's better.

 **Token walks into another room, where Stan and Tweek are hiding.**

Token:

Guys, I don't think I can go through with this. She has been here 5 minutes and I'm ready to kill her.

Stan:

I know dude, but it'll only take a few minutes. Just gain her trust then tell her you're a girl.

Token:

Why do I need to gain her trust? Can't I go up to her to say "Heidi, I'm a girl and you're gay, you bitch"?

Stan:

No! We need her to think she's in love with you.

Token:

But I'm gonna reject her no matter what.

Tweek:

We know that, but this is for Kyle and Cartman.

Token:

You're right. I can do this. For them, I have to.

Heidi: *Calling*

TOKEN! WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?

Token:

Jesus Christ. I gotta go. Bye guys.

Tweek:

Good luck.

Stan:

Sounds like you need it.

 **Token grabs a couple juice boxes and leaves.**

Token:

Sorry, Heidi. I wasn't sure what to get a *hesitantly* beautiful person like yourself. Nothing I could find was as sweet as you.

Heidi: *giggles*

Oh, you little charmer you.

 **Token sweet talks her for the next 10 minutes and even kisses her. Then, it was time to strike.**

Token:

How about we tell a secret about ourselves? You go first.

Heidi:

I was kidnapped by a witch on Halloween. The soul bag was horrifying. I don't really like talking about it, but it was Cartman's fault. He dressed me up as Grettle, and left me alone for her to catch me. What about you? What's your secret?

Token: *Hesitant, but not really.*

I'm a girl. And you are gay. Congrats, now leave Cartman and Kyle the fuck alone.

 **He gives her the finger and she's just in shock.**

Heidi:

Gay? No. I can't be. I can't be gay! But, you kissed me, and I liked it. No. No. NO!

Token:

I'm not gay though. Have fun, get out of my house.

Heidi:

*Screams in rage*

 **She leaves.**

Token:

OKAY! SHE'S GONE!

 **Stan and Tweek walk in.**

Stan:

Did it work?

Token:

Yeah. I didn't expect it to, but it did.

Tweek:

So, she shouldn't be a problem anymore.

Token: *pulls out phone*

I'll call Kyle.

 **Token calls Kyle on the phone.**

Kyle: *on phone*

Hello?

Token:

Dude, our plan worked. I don't think Heidi is going to be a problem anymore.

Kyle:

I can't believe you guys did this. It's so mean.

Token:

I know, but trust me, it will be better.

Kyle:

Better? I know she's a bitch, but really? It's unnecessarily cruel. I talked to the vice principal this afternoon. She was going to deal with it. If you guys listened to me this would have been avoided. Cartman even agreed with me.

Token:

Of course he agreed with you, he's your boyfriend.

Kyle:

What does that mean?

Token:

He loves you, and he's going to agree with what you say to keep you happy.

Kyle:

Are you saying Cartman is only pretending to agree with me so I don't get mad at him?

Token:

Yes.

Kyle:

Fuck you dude.

 **Hangs up.**

Token:

Still my OTP.

Stan:

Dude. What the fuck is an OTP?

-End scene-


	14. Final scene: School

Scene 14- school

 **Scene opens up to Stan walking down the hallway. Heidi walks up behind him.**

Heidi:

STAN!

Stan:

Oh shit.

Heidi:

YOU MADE TOKEN PRETEND TO BE A GIRL, DIDN'T YOU!

Stan:

Wow, you really aren't dumb.

Heidi:

You made my Token be something he's not for Cartman and his stupid boy toy, didn't you?

Stan:

It was his idea, not mine. Wait, _your_ Token? He doesn't love you. It was a ploy we put together to get you to leave Kyle and Cartman alo-

 **He gets cut off by a punch to the face.**

Heidi:

WHY DON'T YOU LITTLE BITCHS LEAVE ME ALONE! I STILL LOVE ERIC AND NOW HE HAS A BOYFRIEND! IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!

Stan: *clutching his face*

Well, it sucks to be you. But Cartman has moved on. He is happy, and you are a total bitch.

Heidi:

That's my point, Marsh! Cartman was so happy with me, and now he has found somebody else, and will never take me back.

Stan:

He was never happy with you. He felt mentally abused by you, and he felt miserable. he only stayed in your relationship, and stayed with you, because he felt like he wasn't alone. His mother is often out smoking crack or fucking anybody who has a penis, real or not. We used to treat him like shit, so he felt like there was no one to turn to. That's why he wanted to kill himself when you guys broke up. The difference between you and Kyle is that he truly loves Kyle. So you can stop pretending to be the victim here, you aren't.

Heidi:

Mentally abusive? He felt like _I_ was mentally abusive? He tried to get me killed for making him late to the stupid pumpkin patch, and I'M mentally abusive?

Stan:

I know. I know, believe me. But trust me, you and Cartman are better off going your separate ways. It's better for everybody because, well, because you're being a real bitch. You attacked a kid in a wheelchair unprovoked, which is enough to get you arrested.

Heidi:

The douche deserved it.

Stan:

We were told that Cartman was starting to heal, but because of you, he will never walk again. Do you really think he deserved that? Do you think that anyone deserves permanent paralysis?

Heidi:

No...

Stan:

Exactly. Now, please don't go anywhere near the two of them. If you do, and it's in a bad manner, I will kick your ass.

 **Walks away to find his friends.**

Stan:

Hey guys.

Kyle:

Hey, Stan? What happened to your face?

Stan:

Heidi punched me, I'm fine.

Both Kyle and Cartman:

WHAT!?

Stan:

She knew that Token was only pretending to be a girl so she punched me. I talked to her though; you guys don't have to worry about her coming anywhere near-

Heidi:

Eric? Kyle?

Stan:

Jesus Christ.

Cartman:

What?

Kyle:

Are you here to beat us up again?

Heidi:

No. I've come to apologize.

Both:

Huh?

Heidi:

You both are happy together, and I am the selfish bitch who wants that attention to befall on me. I know you two are going through a lot because of what I did to you. I caused Eric's paralysis to be permanent, and I know that he has been depressed because of it. And Kyle, I am really sorry about re injuring your arm. I'm glad to see that it's healing properly now. I hope you two remain happy together for a long time. *holds out hand for them to shake it.* And, though I don't deserve it, I hope that we can become friends again. What do you say guys?

 **Kyle and Cartman pause and think about that for a moment.**

Cartman:

No way, dude. Screw that.

Kyle:

Yeah, you're a bitch.

-The end-


End file.
